The Words given by A Dad Which Saved Me when I became a New Dad

"I think I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly became "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a good place. You need support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a wider reluctance to talk amongst men, who often hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."